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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23762698">That's When I Could Finally Breathe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam'>Signsofsam</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>3x15, Angst, Drabble, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, coda to 3x15, episode coda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:47:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23762698</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“<i>Eddie!</i>”</p><p>The voice is familiar, but where is it coming from? He’s alone, and it’s cold and dark and...not Afghanistan. </p><p>Afghanistan is hot and searing pain in his hand and running away from a marriage that’s falling apart and a son that barely knows him.</p><p>This isn’t...it isn’t Afghanistan.</p><p>
  <i>Where is he?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Eddie, it’s okay. You’re okay. Come back to me.”</i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Christopher Diaz &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>428</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>That's When I Could Finally Breathe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Coda to 3.15: Eddie Begins. It's a quick little thing, not beta read, and all mistakes are mine.</p><p>But dang was this episode amazing!</p><p>Title is from <i>Clean</i> by Taylor Swift, but this isn't part of my ongoing series.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All he can feel is searing pain, running up his hand, the throbbing of his shoulder. He can feel the sand on his skin, clinging everywhere, the hot air making it hard to breathe through the panic. It’s hard to breathe, everything is hot and pain and <em> he can’t breathe</em>, and in the blink of an eye, it morphs, and everything is wet and cold and aches.</p><p>How can everything change like that?</p><p>Where is he?</p><p>Why does everything hurt?</p><p>“<em>Eddie! </em>”</p><p>The voice is familiar, but where is it coming from? He’s alone, and it’s cold and dark and...not Afghanistan. </p><p>Afghanistan is hot and searing pain in his hand and running away from a marriage that’s falling apart and a son that barely knows him.</p><p>This isn’t...it isn’t Afghanistan.</p><p>
  <em> Where is he? </em>
</p><p>“<em>Eddie, it’s okay. You’re okay. Come back to me.</em>”</p><p>It’s cold and wet and everything aches, but it’s not a bullet wound; he knows it’s not a bullet wound. And the ache is dulling, and the world is getting lighter, but how? Why?</p><p>
  <em> Where is he? </em>
</p><p>“<em>Eddie, it’s all right. You’re safe. I’ve got you. Come back to me, baby</em>.”</p><p>Buck.</p><p>That’s Buck.</p><p>And his world sharpens.</p><p>He’s clutching his chest as he wakes, the room lit by the lamp on Buck’s nightstand. He can feel his blunt nails digging into skin through his thin, sweat-soaked shirt, but he can’t make himself stop. He’s sucking in air (<em>t</em><em>oo quick</em>, the medic in him warns, <em>slow your breathing or you’re gonna have a panic attack</em>), and his eyes flit everywhere, until they land on Buck, beside him in bed, hands hovering just shy of touching his biceps, watching him with worried blue eyes, but he’s speaking, even if Eddie can’t hear it over the thrum of panic in his head.</p><p>His fingers touch something cold, metal, his St. Christopher medallion, and he wraps his hand around it, clutching it, using it to ground himself in the here and now; everything’s okay. He’s alive, and not in Afghanistan, and not trapped in that hole; the kid is safe, and so is Eddie, in bed with Buck. Slowly, the ringing in his head fades, and there is just Buck’s calm voice: “You’re at home, Eddie. You’re safe. You saved that kid, and you saved yourself. You’re at home, with me. It was just a bad dream. We’re both okay. You’re okay.”</p><p>He finally nods once at Buck, and melts when his boyfriend’s hands grasp his upper arms, pulling him into Buck’s chest. “I”m okay,” he repeats, and Buck nods, his arms wrapping around him. “You’re okay.”</p><p>“I’m here with you,” Buck answers, a soft kiss against the side of Eddie’s head. “Of course I’m okay.”</p><p>“And Christopher-”</p><p>“Chris is sleeping, but he’s okay, too. Do you want to go see him?” </p><p>Eddie’s out of the tangle of sheets before Buck finishes speaking, hand still wrapped around his medallion. He knows Buck is following him, carefully observing him without being overbearing, because he knows Eddie, and he knows the last thing Eddie needs is all the concern weighing him down, but together they walk across the house to Chris’ room, and seeing his son asleep, clutching a stuffed dragon to his chest, offers concrete proof that this is real.</p><p>He can feel the ache of the day as Buck leads him back to bed, the painkillers they gave him in the ER have long worn off. He can feel the bruises where he landed after he cut the wire, after the tunnel collapsed. His chest hurts from how long he went holding his breath, searching for an escape in the darkness. But the pain is a reminder that he survived Afghanistan, and he survived that tunnel, and his world is going to be okay. He has Buck to lead him out of nightmares, his beacon through the darkness, and Chris to assure him that this world is real, that he’s not dreaming, his good luck charm to give him something to always fight to get back to.</p><p>And as he lets Buck pull him back, wrapping him in an embrace, pressing a sleepy, tired kiss to the juncture of his neck and jaw, he can let go of the medallion.</p><p>He doesn’t need it when he has them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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